5 Things a Good Friend Would Say About Christian Dating

Christians are people who reflect and search for answers, and the dating arena of life is one requiring a lot of circumspect thought. You wonder if you’re doing the right thing, choosing the right kind of person to date, and so on. Sometimes it helps to put ourselves into the head of a good friend and look at our own lives, to see what friends would say about our choices. Here are 5 questions/cautions from a hypothetical friend who wants the best for us.

1. 1. Why are you dating non-Christians? — are you trying to convert somebody?

Are you expecting to be able to do one of the hardest tasks that exist, all at once on someone you’re trying to get to know? You must be kidding. While faith exhorts us to try to persuade others towards Jesus Christ, it’s utter gall that you would deliberately go out with someone and then try to proselytize. It makes it seem as if you were the prize of Christian faith: “Come to Jesus, and you get me.” It’s a wrongful setup, don’t do it. Most Christians will admit that marriage is the main aim of dating, so you’re looking for a Christian date, not just any date. At the very least, your dates should be believers in God.

 

2. 2. Stop judging others if you don’t judge yourself.

When you meet someone, you should be asking questions and observing to see if your faith coincides. What you should not be doing is testing or judging the person. If you have a pass/fail checklist for a person, you may be missing the big picture. Maybe this person doesn’t attend services with the same frequency you do, or at all; still this person may have an incredible kind and generous heart. Watch and learn about the total person. However, sometimes the details of your faith or church don’t permit you to consider someone who doesn’t already follow the precise tenets of your religion; but if that isn’t the case, then you may keep this person in consideration. In the meantime, non-romantic activities and meeting up provide even more opportunities to see if this person is for you.

 

Sometimes we have high expectations about others that are unfair. Not because a person shouldn’t be better, but maybe you aren’t as good as that, either. When you want to be with someone of integrity and high character, start thinking about how YOU can be a better person, who is deserving of a good partner.

 

3. 3. Faith, yes, but does he also have a good heart and character?

Just because he or she is the right religion or level of faith doesn’t make that person perfect. We still need to align ourselves with a person of good character. And as soon as that phrase is said, you already have a feeling about what it means to you. If someone goes through the motions of being Christian but doesn’t seem sincerely good, loving, generous, kind, honest, and so on… that’s not what you really want, is it? Ask yourself if your best friend would think this is someone good-hearted enough for you.

 

4. 4. Use your head. Don’t rely on sudden, magical clues

that someone is intended for you by God, when other indicators point in the other direction. The dating and marriage arena is one in which you should be using your God-given sense and following rules the Bible has laid out in choosing a fit partner. Just because a white dove flew down when he walked up to you doesn’t mean God sent it as a sign. Certainly your faith is often inspired by symbols and life signs. But you were given a brain and judgement, don’t waste them. If you’re in doubt you should consult someone of your church you can trust, a friend or even a pastor, and get some perspective.

 

Snake oil salesmen used to use symbols and signs to trick people into buying what they sold. Don’t you fall for the outer sign when you noticed the substance was faulty.

 

5. 5. If you practice “Christianity Lite”

— by which I mean you have faith but a tolerance for many divergent routes of Christian life — then look for someone who is at that level of belief too. Don’t let yourself get too involved with someone whose faith is very strict, because it may be tough on you. And you may find yourself trying to change just so that person will continue to see you, or you may find yourself acting a part you don’t feel in your heart. That’s not right, not honest and can hurt both of you when it predictably falls apart.

 

These days, politics and religion are very intertwined. This site is about Christian dating, not political dating, and we definitely suggest concentrating on your religious preferences rather than the political ones. You are likely to adjust your political thinking to fit with your religion, not the other way around. So the question to ask is if the person you’re interested in matches you in religion, not political leanings. If you clash on some things, you’ll still know that you both believe in God the same way.